As I Turn 50: A Reflection on Freedom, Presence, and Purpose

This week, I turn 50.

Half a century of life.
Of learning.
Of unlearning.
Of remembering what was always true.

And as I reflect on these five decades, one desire rises above the rest—clear, constant, and deep:

I want freedom.

Not freedom as a concept, but as a lived experience.
Freedom from expectation.
Freedom from the stories I inherited or created.
Freedom to live life just as I want to live it—
Where I want.
How I want.
As who I truly am.

And here’s what I’ve come to know:

• I am responsible for my happiness.
  (And happiness is freedom.)

• Freedom is only ever a thought away.
  When I’m in a nice feeling, I remember—I’m already free.

• I’m free to create the life I want.
  I just have to actually want it.
  Not in theory, but in clarity.
  In choice.
  In truth.

So I ask myself again and again, as a practice, as a prayer:

What do I actually want?

And here’s what I know right now:

1. As a human being, my purpose is spiritual awakening.

2. Any feeling of separation is a signal. It’s duality. It’s thought.
   (It’s not truth.)

3. I come back to presence. Again and again.

4. I remember why I’m here: to wake up.

Not in some dramatic, mountaintop-enlightenment way.
But in the small, ordinary moments.
The breath. The smile. The awareness. The love.

And from that place, everything changes.

This is 50.
And it feels like freedom.